Love wh… What? When’d you get here? How’d this happen to me again?
I think I date a little differently than most people do. I don’t ever have the intention of settling on one human being or falling in love or having some fantasy of forever and a white dress (although I, to this day, maintain that I would look absolutely fabulous in a wedding dress and may just buy one for the hell of it). My dating has kind of evolved over the course of the past two years, for those of you who have been following for any length of time. While I used to be someone who falls hard and fast, I’ve come to find my own pace. I typically like to date a few men at a time (three or four has been a good number for me), and I keep it fairly casual. Occasionally I develop feelings, or fall into something a little more serious, but once that comes to an end, I get back to my casual ways.
I enjoy dating a few guys at once, because I like having different partners who meet my needs or desires in different ways. I love being with different people who have different ideas and philosophies and mannerisms. As someone who identifies as poly, it doesn’t strike me as illustrating a fear of commitment, per se, or a lack of interest in the people I’m with. In fact, I only maintain relationships with men I care for. The guys who are aware of my other guys sometimes get into their head that they’re “not enough” for me, which is why I have others, but it’s never about not enough.
I often use the analogy of friends to try to make it a little clearer – most of us will have several friends, maybe three or four, that we’re really close with. The people we call when we’re experiencing joy or pain or who we’ll be there for when they’re going through such things. And these people probably are all different in some ways. They provide different things to our friendship. And we love them all for different reasons. It is the same for me with men I date. It’s not that any of my friends aren’t “enough”, and not one of them has ever lamented that I have other close friends. And so it is with my men. But, living in a culture which promulgates monogamy as the one and only way to relate with a romantic partner, it becomes difficult for many people to imagine how anything outside of that can be functional and healthy and not about some sort of struggle or insecurity. And I get that. But I assure you, my propensity for dating multiple men isn’t a problem of any kind.
Anyway, when I’m dating a tend to date fairly casually. I care for my men, but I’m not expecting marriage or forever or anything of that sort. It’s fun and it’s right now, and I hope we’re reciprocally supportive of one another. I don’t need much more than that. Part of this is because I don’t know where I will be next year. Maybe I’ll still be here, maybe I’ll be halfway around the world. I could be anywhere. So I don’t want to get too involved with anyone and break their little hearts when I suddenly uproot myself and fly off on my next adventure.
But, do you ever find that sometimes, in spite of not expecting it, love kind of just happens to you? I mean, I guess it gradually develops over time, but gosh! I just never see it coming. This guy I’ve been seeing since early this summer was someone I expected to keep as a casual ‘side-guy’. And then he moved in. Still, for me, it was just casual. Of course, over time, loving feelings grow and develop. Even for those of you who love love and get into relationships with the expectations of having it, the more time you spend with someone, the more you grow to love them, right?
That moment where suddenly, you’re not really sure how or when, but love is just there. It’s weird. Because you never saw it coming. I don’t know what’s better – the love you know is going to be there, or the love that sneaks up and bites you on the nose. I think both have their positive and negatives attributes. And, of course, it’s different with every human you fall in love with.
For now, I’m not going to question too much. I’m just going to ride this out and see where it goes. Because, if you don’t know anything else about me, I’m sure you’ve all discovered by now that I am transient: in love today, dying to be single and alone tomorrow.