(Never fear; Super Ego is here).
Guise! I’m sorry. It’s been so long, I know. But things have been crazy, for me. I quit my job way back in May. I had had enough, after seven years. It was a horrible, soul-sucking helluva a job. But I needed it. It got me through seven years of university. I knew, though, that if I didn’t quit, I’d just keep doing it forever and ever, and would remain miserable. So, one day, I just quit. And that gave me time to focus on my thesis (do not even broach the subject of how that’s coming. See the below image for further instructions on how to discuss my thesis with me).
So anyway, I did some work on my thesis, and we’ll leave it at that. I also got a new job (IT IS MY DREAM JOB AND I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!). And I spent my summer quite ill. So ill that most days I wasn’t able to get out of bed. I even vomited on the bus. In front of dozens of people who then regarded me as a leper or something the rest of the bus ride. It has been a whirlwind few months for me. Hence my silence.
But, here I am. I’m back. At 3am, no less.
So let me tell you about something that transpired about a month ago. I don’t know if y’all will remember, but there was a guy I was seeing. He was tall, and dark, and very handsome. He was charming. He kinda left me brokenhearted on my birthday that one time. But then we worked things out, and I thought he was cool with my being poly, and we had some delightful months thereafter where I could be with him and talk about other guys I was seeing, and it was just pretty awesome. But there was always this little voice nagging in the background… screaming about the little red flags he was raising all over the place.
Like his initial possessiveness. I don’t do possessive, jealous-type relationships. As someone who likes to date more than one person, that doesn’t really work so well. But after the big birthday blowup, that seemed to have subsided. He laid it aside because he was so enamored that he just wanted to be able to be with me. And it was nice. Though, I suppose, his jealousy lingered beneath the surface that whole time.
Then there was how he spoke of his relationships with other women. It always bothered me. I listen carefully to how men talk about women in their lives. It’s a huge indication of how he will treat you, and how he will relate to you. And it seemed to me that this man had trouble relating to women. But when he flashed that beautiful, toothy grin of his, I kinda overlooked some of the things I shouldn’t have.
The final straw, though, was his manipulativeness. He stopped being openly possessive, but his jealousy became a little more insidious. When he didn’t get what he wanted (i.e., time with me) he would get petty. He would throw little petulant, man-child tantrums. He would never quite call me a slut, but he would imply it. And he would provoke me over every idea I hold dear to me. I put up with it for a time because the sex was a-ma-zing! and because he was so charming and sweet the rest of the time. But then there came a day where I decided it was time to cut him loose. I have no time for that kind of negativity in my life. And as beautiful as he was, that kind of demeanor (the petty passive-aggressiveness) is just plain ugly.
So I didn’t hear from him for a time. I had someone move in. When he next texted, I told him there was a man living with me. I didn’t hear from him for some time, again. And then, out of the blue, as he always would, he texted and said he wanted to see me. He was going out of town that day, and before his flight he wanted to visit. I said sure, but that the guy who’s been living with me was here (because I knew that by visit what he really meant was get naked and make passionate love). He arrived, and I went outside to meet him. He wanted to come in. I said I didn’t think it a good idea. He knows a neighbour of mine, and so went over for a drink, texting me all the while. Repeatedly asking to come over. And, because I refused him (I had, after all, ended things months prior with him because of his propensity to be negative and demeaning), he became upset. I think he thought I’d remember the incredible sex we had and forget everything else.
As he was waiting for his bus to go pick up his bags, he texted me.
I think we should end things. I don’t think this is healthy for us anymore.
Blink Um, yeah. I kinda did that about three months ago when I said “I think this is the end of the road, for us… but if you say so now… it must be so.” (Sardonicism)
And as I was typing out a final goodbye, he abruptly deleted me as a contact, so he never did get to see my parting words to him. Which is fine, because he probably would have misinterpreted them as some sort of pleading with him to stay or something, as he seemed so deluded about his role in the ending of our relationship.
And that was a total Dudebro ego moment. He was no longer getting the P so he ended things… even though they’d ended months before. Whatever you gotta do to save face, I guess.