Ah, ladies and gents, let’s talk about the sometimes boyfriend. I don’t know if you’ve encountered the type – the one who texts when it’s convenient, or disappears for brief periods of time only to crop up again just when you have resolved you are definitely entirely over him for sure. Or the one who sees you only when he’s got nothing better to do. Well, I had a sometimes boyfriend. And then I forgot about the sometimes boyfriend. Sort of. And then, just when I think that I have entirely forgotten his existence… BAM! He texts me. Out of the blue. After two months of no word from him.
I’ve written of him before. I was quite crazy about him for a while. In fact, I was pretty head over heels in love with him. But then after a trip to Jamaica during which he texted only infrequently (in spite of the fact that he is a doctor and I texted him with a concern about my daughter having a cut that had gotten infected) I became a little less in love with him. And then, after no word from him for a month, I sent him an email with my disdain for his disappearing act, at which point he replied with “Wow, I’ve just been busy. So sorry. Nothing is wrong. I love you so much and I miss you.” *Insert sideeye here*
The Beginning: I met him on Plenty of Fish – that cesspool of endless pond scum. But sometimes in that pond full of scum you find a frog (uh, wait, what? Ignore me. Metaphors are not my strength). He was not a frog. He was the scum. I had a boyfriend at the time but I had signed up because I was bored. And because my boyfriend lived in another country and had a girlfriend there and I was keeping my options open. Anyhow, I made it clear I was looking for friendship only; my profile was open to males and females. And this guy started messaging me. I found him moderately attractive but exceptionally annoying. After we started chatting he just got so clingy. We had ended up exchanging phone numbers because communicating by PoF can be cumbersome. He texted me every. bloody. day. Always asking me for a photo. Always calling me babe. I entertained him more out of boredom than any interest in him. He was not actually in my city; he was coming there in a few months for his clinical rotation. After chatting daily for three months he finally arrived in my town. And something just clicked. In person he was no longer that annoying, clingy guy. He was sweet and affectionate and there was just this… chemistry. He stayed with me mostly for the month he was here, though he spent some nights at the residence he’d paid for before arriving. Then right before Christmas he had to return home. I flew to see him shortly after his birthday a few months later. A month after that was the Jamaica trip and the great disappearing act.
So then I went back to dating a few guys I’d been seeing before. I grew accustomed to his occasional out of the blue texts. Eventually I started seeing a guy. I wasn’t really serious about it, but he was and I kind of just fell into it. I did not even see it coming, really. Suddenly we were just living together and dating. I still didn’t really think of it seriously, though I guess some people consider living together a pretty serious step.
Anyhow, my birthday was coming up, and I still had very strong feelings for this man, the pond-scum-turned-frog (really, just tell me to cut the metaphors; they are horrifyingly bad). We had been communicating again after another of his reappearances. I was flying to Toronto for my birthday weekend. I invited him to join me. I had this need to explore whether anything was still there; I didn’t want him to be the one that got away. He expressed interest. I was looking forward to seeing him again. And then, two days before my birthday, he stopped texting. I texted plans about the weekend. No reply. I’m not a chaser, so I forgot about him.
It’s been two months. I went to Jamaica for New Years and met my current boyfriend’s (that word still freaks me out) family. They’re lovely. I adore them. I came back to Canada. Funnily, this old love had crossed my mind just a few days ago. More in the “Huh, it’s funny how he dropped off the face of the earth after claiming to love me so much” type of way. Which led me to realize that while I had loved him deeply and while I missed that love, I was no longer pining. I was no longer wondering about whether he would ever text me again. He had dropped out of my life for the last time…
And then the text. Literally hours after I had that thought. It was the usual “I was so worried about you. I texted you so much and you never replied. My texts must not have gone through” excuse. To which I rolled my eyes. He also has my email, so if his texts really weren’t going through and he was really that concerned, I’m not hard to get in touch with. No allusion to the fact that he had missed my birthday. I don’t really understand his intermittent interest. I don’t really care, now. It is funny to me, the difference in how love forms and feels, though. I loved him so intensely that I actually allowed him back once after his great disappearing act. Stupidly. And now, this boyfriend of mine, there wasn’t that same instantaneous and intense connection. It’s grown, over time. But he is the steady presence. He’s always been. And men like the sometimes boyfriend make me value his steady presence that much more. Now I have my frog. ;)